There is a point when giving up makes you stronger and letting go fortifies tomorrow. I have always thought that giving up was admitting weakness, emptiness, flaw. The “I can’t put up with this anymore” meant that I do not love, and if I do not love, then they are right about me.
Always around Christmas there is this deep ache in the center of my soul. To explain where it comes from, the size, shape, how long is the ache, the sound it makes, makes it seem trite and silly, as if I’m making a big deal out of nothing. I do know that it happens every year, and it takes brute force to separate myself from it’s origin, that I have yet to learn how to do it. It is unkind for me to name names, point fingers, but this Christmas I realized exactly what was going on: someone was creating chaos in a space that should be togetherness. It’s the unmet unhealed needs unable to meet or heal.
You can move past your fear
Then my heart will be
but often i’m just waking up
in the middle of the night with
You make it seem like my fault
and I believe you
It’s easier to blame myself than
to hold you accountable because you
wiggle out of any responsibility
"I had no time, I have no time, I can’t"
God help me if I’m able to
completely let go as there is no
more salt to preserve this.
My partner warns me about you
to not need you at all, or depend on you
but you’re so great when it comes to purses
hair products, banking
Wish that presence could bleed into